U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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