Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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