I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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