There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
