Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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