so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
