worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
