If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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