And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
