Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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