I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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