Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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