Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
