i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
