I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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