I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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