Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
