It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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