I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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