i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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