I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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