How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
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she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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