There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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