I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
