giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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