i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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