I accidentally had phone sex last night
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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