I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
