did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
