i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
