why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
