I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
