Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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