Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
tell me about the eggs
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