you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
