if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
