They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
