but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
