I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
