so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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