you turned your livingroom into a bong?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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