plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
