then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
