If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
