I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
