i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
