Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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