She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
