Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize