I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
