I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
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No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
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Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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