hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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