When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
