If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
