the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
