apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
