try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
