I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
