I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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