turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize