I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
