Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
