wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
