When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
