you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
