I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
