So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
