paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
