mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
