i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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