Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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