bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Shame - the story of my life.
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