Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
