Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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