So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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