I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
