your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Please don't give away my fajitas
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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